Moss n Kutura's Birth Story

It was time to welcome the third timester! After losing a babe at 23 weeks and another at 22 weeks, it felt significant to honour my body at the approach of 27 weeks this time. A friend had come to stay for a few days from interstate and our gorgeous men had taken the children out for the day so she could surprise me with a hennabelly. She asked me to answer with my instinct, is there one baby or two? Two I said.



What we didn't know is that I would be birthing with the fresh henna just hours after it's completion! I thought I'd lost a bit of plug, but it was the tightenings that had me worried. As they strengthened I decided I would go to the hospital for a few reasons. Firstly, I knew I had a transverse baby. He had being trying to turn himself without success for a week. Secondly, I was suspicious I was carrying twins but wanted an ultrasound to confirm this. (Initially I was hoping my IM would be able to tell me the answer to that question upon her next visit). I also wanted the hormones to hold off the labour and the steroid injection to help with lungs.



The syncronicity of having our friends settled in our home meant it was easy to leave our 4yo daughter to play and slumber with her friends. Although she was playfully hiding under a table when we left, she did sing thru one contraction with me like we had talked about when talking homebirth plans together the previous week.



'Grey area' ethics were not yet flying thru my head .. I was sure I could get to Gympie hospital and come home with a settled uterous and knowledge about my babe/s position. I called a friend, not my hired IM an actual Friend it just happened that she used to work at this hospital as a midwife. I asked her to support me and asked my partner Matt to be my bulldog.



By the time we got to the hospital the contractions were strong and radiation pain in my upper thighs was distressing me. I was pissed off. I felt defied by my body. Why can't I hold my babies in for longer?? Anger. Anger that I was at a hospital, anger at my body. Anger.



We had phoned ahead, and a few contractions later I had made it from the car to a room. Matt and Friend were with me, and thus began the hospital journey! A knOb named Frank didn't seem to be happy if I wasn't on my back. He asked me 4 times if I had any previous scans, and on my forth 'no' I told him he was wasting my time .. he had to help me now or stop telling me what to do. Contractions were 4 mins apart, I told him again and again I need to stop this labour now. He wanted to u/s first. I wanted steroids now! He did the u/s in between contractions, a bit of my glorious henna smudged on the machinery was a treat! He said I had a lot of fluid and one transverse baby that I could not birth vaginally. I saw the screen too. I was scared. I was angry. Transition was approaching, soon I my body would start bearing down on my sideways baby and I feared for us both.



KnOb told me he couldn't do anything to stop the labour unless it was confirmed I actually was in labour with a VE. I told him he's not touching me, swore a bit, and he walked out of the room and had a sulk. Matt followed him to have a man-to-man about how to treat a birthing Goddess. Meanwhile, the midwife on duty witnessed my friend NB do my VE, she said I was fully dialated with bulging waters. She asked me what my instinct was, I said I still feel there could be two, but I saw the u/s screen too.



KnOb and Matt came back in, knOb wants me to read and sign paperwork. I said I consent to a c-sec, but it had to happen fast, I couldn't hold this pressure much longer. KnOb then wanted Matt to sign paperwork without reading it. Matt read and signed.

I had finally got a the shot of steroids I went in there for!



I was being prepped for a c-sec! Friend talking me thru contractions, suck it in, suck it up, breathe it out .. I developed some new breathwork. Strange trying to work against the flow of the contractions. Catheder was in, I was in pain, I was scared. This is fucked. This is not how it is meant to be!



Getting wheeled to theatre. Stupid panicked people all around me. KnOb and Matt's voices getting fiercer with each other. Friend repeating the mantra every 2 mins. Transition brain .. holy fuck .. c-sec .. no .. YES! This will save my transverse baby .. I don't want to bear down on his lil body this way.



At the door to the theatre, Friend and Matt are asked to step aside now. NO! the 3 of us say. Matt argues with knOb to get Friend in, she gets prepped, she coming in. Matt arguing with knOb to get himself in .. knOb is a prick, he has turned this into a personal war, they wonder why we call them knObs. My waters are bulging as big as a tennis ball outside my vagina, my body is bearing down, I'm on my fucking back you arseholes and all I can hear is people arguing above me. I am scared, I am in pain. I scream that I can't so this anymore .. give me the needle, knock me out. I don't care. Transition



As I am wheeled into theatre, Matt left behind, Friend is with me, she whispers words of encouragement in my ear. On my back, anaesitist prepping his needles, I look thru my knees and see 4 or 5 people in front of me, I had no choice, my body let go and my uterus pushed. My waters exploded and I showed all 4 of the bastards. On reflection I laugh at the way they held their hand up to protect their faces from the splash. My baby was airborn for a moment as he shot out of me into the knOb's hands.



Shock. I need to be on my knees. Someone is cutting a pulsing cord, I am trying to get to my knees on a stupid skinny little bed-thingy, 4 people holding me down saying now, Friend saying yes and telling them it will help me. Her hand on my belly. Someone behind me says syntocin, I can birth my own placenta I tell them. Someone is pulling on the cord .. stop pulling on the cord I yell. Noone is touching the cord, they say. I look down and see scissors dangling coldly against my bloody thigh. Can someone hold the scissors for me, they are heavy. I am told that they are not scissors. No help there. Morons. Belly is too hard to be just placenta Friend tells me and a midwife. I feel the second baby engage. This isn't a placenta birthing wriggle tightening. My body is resting and preparing to birth again! I can feel fear and confusion around me. I knew I must birth quickly or they would command my body. I took a deep breath and summoned a contraction to push out my second babe's head. My waters explode! Got you again fuckers! Ow! The catheder stings and hurts. I reach down to stroke my babe's face. I feel this cord across his face, I can feel it pulsing, I can slide a finger under it, I feel ok, his skin is warm. I love him.



Suddenly there are two other hands with mine, they are pushing my hand aside, stretching my labia, hurting my babe's face. I yell out, who's hand is that? get it out or talk to me!! what's going on?? They are flustered with my hand .. my poor baby! Welcomed to the world with 3 fighting hands around his face. Baby I'm so sorry. The next contraction comes and I birth the body. His cord is cut and I look up to see a sceond resus table has appeared next to his brothers.



The babes were born exactly 10 minutes apart. More talk of syntocin, Friend helps me keep them away, I birth both placentas at once just minutes later. I want to see my boys! Get me off this table, let me up, where's my babies??!! 4 people around me trying to stop me moving. Get the cathear out. Get all this crap off me. Let me up. Friend gets them off me, gets me up. Matt is here again! Finally .. honey we have twins! The crazy cranky midwife is trying to mother me. I'm the mother .. fuck off, give me space. Matt gets the crazy cranky medwife off me. I'm hot and feeling cramped and she's trying to blanket me. He says to her that he will put it on me, she huffs and puffs and finally fucks off.



I can see my first baby. He looks me in the eye. He's so lovely and pink. I love you I tell him. I touch his arm. I go to the next baby, he looks fragile. I send him love. Matt and Friend managed to take photos. We are taken to a room.



I have henna all over my belly. Friend's hands are covered with it too. We make jokes about nicotine. I shower and wash it off to reveal and beautiful desgin once again!

We talk of names. Our daughter Bluqi had chosen the name Moss. Which one was Moss? What is another name? I drift away. I have been having dreams about the letter K, but couldn't quite grasp it upon waking. Kutura, I say. Matt and Friend are at the end of my bed, Matt had just asked Friend, what is another word for syncronicity, and I had answered, they explained to me. So Moss and Kutura it is.



The boys were taken for a joy flight by helicopter to the Brisbane Women's Hospital. The transfer team were amazing, as are the people looking after them here. These people seem calm and human and I am quite relieved, to say the least.



Born at 26 weeks and 5 days they have a huge journey ahead of them. I am told term here is deemed 37 weeks for twins, so they have been declared 10 weeks early optimistically, but medically regarded as 13 weeks early (!). One day at a time. I sing to my babies. I pump milk. One day at a time. Keep sending love.



Holy Goddess! I love you Moss. I love you Kutura.